Modify my article as requested

Hi. I need to have a change in the direction of my efforts. The projects in this article are mainly what I did when I wanted to get into a graduate school in economics at a certain school.
This is a good start- but you are telling your story sequentially- it is much better to make your argument by organizing your stories around your good qualities or ideas. Find a specific thing to apply for and think of that audience and what information they will want to know about you. Lastly, focus on details and avoid generalizations. Anywhere you can add more details and offer more insight it is helpful. A few things stood out to me that need work: -You have some great stories- and a clear thesis will not only help guide the reader but is an opportunity for you to highlight your good qualities that you can then later tell stories to support. -You have great experience in the field but be mindful of the economy of words. Every word should be used to help convince the reader that you are the best candidate. How exactly will your experience and skills make you a good candidate? Remind your reader of your great qualities in the concluding paragraph. -A conclusion is a great opportunity to remind the reader of your good qualities and why you are the best candidate- and not add new information. -Just like in an essay, your intro should end with a thesis – your core argument for why you are the ideal candidate with specific reasons, which you can expand on in the body paragraphs. Each body paragraph should have a topic sentence which tells the reader what the core argument of that paragraph will be. The more tightly organized and focused your paper is, the more effective it will be at persuading your reader. Lastly, think about what you want the reader to know about you and which parts are most important. In the conclusion remind the reader of your good qualities and experiences so that they can make clear connections to why those qualities would be beneficial to them. I look forward to reading the final draft.
Write a statement (including but not limited to statement of purpose/personal statement/artist’s statement) of 2 full pages aimed at a particular audience. The statement should, however, be adaptable to other audiences and other uses (i.e. not too specific). For example, you may choose a sample essay question from a graduate school application to respond to, while considering how this information may be reformatted for other media or other questions.
A strong introduction and conclusion should engage the reader’s interests clearly and directly. Include specific details that are demonstrations of your expertise (what skills did you bring and develop in the examples), but do not merely summarize work or course experience. You may want to refer to your in-section “what I learned…” exercise for possible ideas to develop. Create a linear narrative (though not necessarily chronological) that leads your reader from where you are now, to what you want to add to their company/graduate program/artistic community/etc. Identify a mutually beneficial relationship between your what you can do for them, and how they will help you achieve your goals.

 

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